1 buffet lunch, 8 business lessons

I must have been really distracted. Normally I have a reputation of concentrating the hardest before a table laid with choicest morsels sporting fancy names. Was I getting too caught up in work lately? Or was I always so obsessed with the food as to ignore the little principles that a buffet lunch would teach me? Management, branding, psychology and a little sprinkling of physics – this restaurant had the whole package!

It began simply enough, until we turned left at the final traffic signal. We were there…or so I thought, until we drove right past the huge glass plated building I’d mentally calculated to be right next to the hotel. But where was this place? Huge hoardings announcing their daily specials are plastered all over the city, but where, in God’s name, was the hotel? It wasn’t my first time there, but all the mental landmarks seemed to fail me just then. After driving by yet again, I finally spotted the gate, flanked by newly angled walls restricting the frontage to a good 50% of what I had remembered it to be. I had learnt my first lesson – a practical rendering of the golden rule of managing real estate – Location, location, location!

Having finally made it inside, we managed to stop right in front of a constricted porch that seemed to smirk “Good luck parking!”. We were way too hungry to spend time parking and decided to ‘outsource’ that particular chore, handing over the keys, with a smile, to the valet. And I had learnt my second lesson of the day.

Heading inside, I was startled by my big bro’s piercing ring tone. I glared at him as he picked up his not so compact Smartphone and walked on, still speaking into it. Strolling through the plush hotel lobby I thought I knew so well, with my eyes darting all across the elegant decor, I just didn’t notice his frantic warning gestures. I would’ve walked straight into the elevator door, if the smiling bell boy hadn’t graciously opened it up just in time. I acknowledged him with a nod, while noting down lesson number 3 – always stay one step ahead of your customer.

Before settling down at a corner table, we took a look at the buffet spread. The maître d' politely informed us that soup would be served at the table and took down our preferences. That was my fourth lesson of the day – this time mixing psychology with smart business. The very offer of being served at the table ensures that about 70% of all customers opt for the soup. A very light investment for the hotel, the soup promises to fill a major part of the average stomach. Think of the waiter who gleefully accepts your order to divide two soups by three or one soup by two. There is, of course, little difference between one cup of broth and two, except in the water content. That is just smart business, lesson number 4.

Having fallen for the soup trap, we proceeded to the rest of the buffet. Digging into what looked like a deep tub of Schezwan rice, my spoon soon hit the floor of the pot. Barring seasoned gourmands like yours truly, this little trick often succeeds in defeating the human mind. When presented with a limited quantity of any resource (food, for instance) for self-service, the portion selected by the average human is inversely proportional to the total quantity of the resource perceived to be available. If the quantity of food is on offer is abundant, any man, or woman, would tend to take just what he would need for his/her immediate need. On the other hand, if there is a limited amount to take from, the selfishness factor kicks in and people tend to dig in, hording for a likely future need. In spite of the shallow base, the tub of fried rice gives the illusion of a deep vessel and hence a large quantity of food on offer. Any normal individual would therefore limit his portion to exactly what he/she would need, thus working in favour of the hotel in question. That would be lesson number 5, on intelligent resource planning.

I moved on to the next dish, my mind already struggling to poise these new found sources for knowledge. A closed vessel greeted me, with a polished metallic hemisphere for a lid. An oddly distorted reflection on the convex surface stared back at me. Now, I am no narcissist, but I never knew I was this large! Combine that bit of physics with a reluctant dieter’s psychology and you have just managed to spoil the unfortunate diner’s appetite. I’m not complaining; let’s just call it lesson number 6. And no, it did not keep me away from that barbecued pork chop with pepper sauce.

Digging my fork into the newest addition to my plate, there was one thing I had almost missed. Apart from us, there were exactly four other people in the room: the headwaiter, two waiters and a chef who had stepped in to check out how his creations were selling. Yet, there was absolutely no evident lack of enthusiasm as they hung around, awaiting orders for an extra bowl of ice cream or a bread basket they could bill us for in addition to the buffet lunch. I was reminded of a thoughtful signboard placed in one of the oldest accounts in my own office – “We shall strive to serve you as if you’re still our only client”. I jotted down lesson number 7 which I should have learnt a long time ago: the importance of good customer service, even in the face of adversity.

Big bro and I sat staring eye to eye, with the bill before us, waiting for either of us to break the tension by fishing out some plastic money. He won, but I had a reason. Presenting my IT giant id card, I felt pleased with myself for having got a 20% corporate discount on the total. The little transaction was teaching me another lesson, number 8 – co-branding and customer lock in. On par with the typical conditions of a foodie in the city around noon, I was hungry, willing to pay for food and spoilt for choices. However, this little hotel by the roadside had a strong card to play in its favour – my own corporate ID card! Granted, the bill is considerably bigger than what a ‘regular’ restaurant or club might’ve cost me, but the psychological edge I supposedly gained over the house (read ‘the hotel’) convinces me that this is a clever choice. At the end of the day I get Rs 200/- off, which would’ve in fact got me a decent lunch at most other places. And what does the hotel lose? A mere marketing expense that got them two clients.

As we headed out through the main door, collected the car keys and drove home, I must have left behind a dozen grinning faces unseen at the hotel. But I was having the last laugh. One quick lunch had taught me a bunch of handy lessons, and for once, my eyes were open to spot them all. Now, what’s for dinner?